Michael and Krissy Dot Com

Since it has been so long since I have posted anything, I thought I should get around to it... but alas my life is just not that funny or interesting and I am okay with that but in the interest of appeasing my loyal fans (mom) I present to you today two chuckle worthy lists!

Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays.
These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners.....
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

We just wanted to welcome Hunter home from Iraq, he was stationed at Camp Bucca - We are all so proud of him, but very happy to have him home safe and sound!

So finally after several very painful losses to New England we have vindication. However, instead of sending out E-mails to certain family members in order to gloat, this seemed like a better venue!

Yes, I know, some will say that this victory doesn't matter, and overall you are right, but this was probably the biggest win for Colts fans this season (that is until our win Feb. 5th of course) - It's good to be a Colts fan, especially today!

8-0!

So, I finally got around to updating the gallery today. Pictures from hanging out with friends, my Dad's 50th birthday party and Labor Day are finally up. Other than that not to much is going on, I passed my boards for the few people that I didn't bug with that news, and I got my license the other day in the mail :) Hope everyone is well, take care!

I took this silly little quiz earlier about when I would die in a Zombie flick, not suprisingly I would of course make it to the end... LOL! Anyone who has ever watched a horror movie with me knows this probably isn't true tho because I am the biggest baby of all! So go ahead and take the quiz and let me know where you rank, Hunter, being that this is all about Zombie movies I fully expect you to end up the hero!

Congratulations, you make it until the end! You are the strong, modestly good looking man or woman who doesn't take it from anybody.

Just a quick note to let everyone know that the pictures we have from Lisa and Ben's wedding are up in the gallery. It was a beautiful day! We will have video up soon also. If you have any pictures you want included just send them to Michael or I and we will get them up!

If you have the means, here is a cause that is really tugging at my heart, give what you can, if you can. This family needs every little bit of help they can get.

Our neighbors have done it again; it is early Saturday morning, so of course there is a giant chipper truck right outside our bedroom window. Why is it that they ALWAYS seem to have these services as early as possible on the weekend? Michael and I both have to get up so early during the week that we look forward to Saturday, our one day to sleep in. Ugh, I can just imagine the conversation to set up the appointment:

Neighbors: "I need a huge chipper truck please."
Chipper man: "No problem, I have several appointments throughout the week and one ass early on Saturday morning."
Neighbors: "We will take the ass early Saturday morning appointment please, even though we are home throughout the week and have no prior commitments; we should do it Saturday morning when all our neighbors are trying to sleep!"

Okay kids, its time for a funny school story. So today we were learning how to do cathertizations on people, and talking about the different sizes of caths (by the way, if you are ever on Jeopardy, they range in size from 8 - 32 French, believe me, you don't even wanna see the garden hose that is a 32!) well this guy was really getting agitated about the possibility of having to place a tube in someone's penis, that or he was just scared we were going to demonstrate on him, anyway, our Prof. pulled out a 16 French and said this was the most common size used on a male... yep you guessed it, he passed out! Poor guy! So that is my funny story for the day, you may now return to your regularly scheduled internet surfing!

Today Michael and I celebrate our 3 year anniversary! I just wanted to tell him that I love him very much and I can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together!!!